It has been a while since my last post ‘How to be self-disciplined?’. I have been very busy working on my personal life and career. I hope everyone is doing well. I am so blessed that I am back again to share my experience and how I am coping with certain stuff while studying and looking after my children.
This blog is about how to deal and cope with any emotional pain or difficulties such as heartbreak, losing someone, betrayal, infidelity and the list goes on. I know it is hard sometimes to talk about our feelings or what we are going through. I found it very hard at the beginning to express myself, but with my persistence, believe in God, and myself and with the help of my family and friends I managed my emotions, and I stopped bottling them up.
So, I have a few steps that you could find helpful if you are struggling emotionally right now.
So let’s start,
- Accept the pain.
It is very hard accepting any pain or grief. However, if you don’t let the pain in and accept the fact that it is God’s will, or you may call it fate or whatever you else want to call it. Coping with such strong emotions alone is very tough. If you are feeling sad, angry, betrayed, shamed or even rejected, then you want to deal with those emotions first in a healthy approach. Do not avoid your emotions by drinking alcohol or taking drugs to make you feel better temporarily. It is all mental, and if you can’t accept the pain, you are creating more hardships for yourself and more grief. Accepting the pain is by letting it go. There are ways for you to do that such as practicing meditation or exercising. Also, avoid negative thinking which will create emotional negativity subsequently will develop bigger problems. Also, when we get rejected, hurt or betrayed it triggers childhood conflict or events that happen when young. Talk to yourself and say to yourself that it is okay to feel pain and tell yourself that everything is fine.
- It is okay to cry.
Never feel inadequate or less human being for crying. It is scientifically beneficial to your health to release any feelings negative or positive. Crying will enhance your mood, and you will feel great afterward. In addition to crying reduces stress and anxiety. Crying after a heartbreak or losing someone or any other type of emotional pain helps you to move on and heal quickly.
- Take time.
It is okay to take as much time as you need to grief or let the pain in. Also, be careful of how much time you take. You don’t want to be in a negative cycle and then leads to depression or anxiety or any other mental health issues. Also, understand that time moves on, and it doesn’t stop for anyone and soon enough that pain and hurt will be passed. Also, know that in a few years you will forget about it or it gets easy. It took me two years after my ex-husband and I separated from feeling good again, from believing in myself and trusting or love again. I kept listening to preachers every day, positive affirmations and I started doing things that I used to enjoy before such as going for walks, reading and hanging out with friends. Take the time to heal and use that time to do something that you enjoy. Also, take time to read as it will help your brain stay active and healthy. it will also distract you and a good start to your healing.
- Talk to someone you trust.
During my heartbreak and when I saw the person that I loved dearly was cheating on me and flirting with other women. I felt as if I was burning in hell, so small and insecure. Then, I started thinking negatively about myself and comparing myself to those women and not just physically. I wanted to understand what was so special about those women and what was deficient in me. The only thing that helped me is I took the time to heal and talked to someone I trusted. The minute I shared my emotional pain and despair I felt so much better and I felt as if a cloud lifted from my heart. I felt so much better and relieved after talking to my family and close friends. It is essential to choose sensibly who you talk to because you want someone who can give you support without judgment to either side and you want someone neutral. The reason for that is you do not want to fuel with anger or negativity, so be careful.
- Avoid manipulation.
This is very critical because if you let someone in your mind you will destroy yourself, and you are allowing that person to destroy your peace and mental health. Normally, people who manipulate are unstable and have psychological issues which lead to cheating, lying, and other things that could hurt you as they have their manipulation games and techniques.
Manipulative people will always speak badly about you behind your back. also, they like to play the innocent game in front of other people to gain sympathy or attention of others to justify their unacceptable behaviours. I remember feeling destroyed, alone and despair and so small when I was in such a situation. I was in a negative cycle thinking why or what did I do to that person to do that to me? Or what did I do wrong in general? The answer to my question was simple, and clear which is that manipulative person is and will always try finding sympathy from other people and justify unacceptable behaviours to get other women, men or just attention from both. So, my point is when a person talks badly about you and not even the truth in public in addition, to mind games it is a huge indication that the person has psychological issues or it is their personality, and God made them like that to teach us a lesson in life and to warn you that you could do better. Besides, the fact is if someone truly loves you from the heart that person would think twice before doing something hurtful or demeaning to you.
So, the best thing to do is do not degrade yourself to the same low personal level and avoid playing their game or revenge. If you could avoid the person too and preserve yourself and your sanity so that.
- Let go and Move on.
I know so well this is hard for some people, but I believe that anyone can do anything. I have been betrayed before and cheated on, lost my father and my brother who I deeply loved, and I am still moving forward. I trust God, and I believe in myself now. I know it is a phase in life and I am so certain that you will move past it too. Do not hold grudges and focus on what is important to you. Be thankful for everything that happened and Thank God that everything revealed to you. Surround yourself with people who you trust and activities you enjoy distracting you and helps you move forward. I am so blessed to have wonderful friends and family who always support me.
Lastly, please love yourself and continue to do something positive. Realize that no relationship can stay forever, and you can not force people to love you,or stay with you only you that will stay with you and only you will forever love you. If you are feeling hurt right now do not worry I have been there, please understand it is not your fault, and most importantly it shows how bad and morally low the other person is. Never feel inadequate or blame yourself for anything if you were honest and decent. Remember that people who hurt you reflects who they are and not a reflection of you. Take good care of your health mentally and physically.
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