Hello everybody and welcome again to my blog!
I have been thinking about this topic for quite some time now. The reason I am writing about narcissists because I understand how frustrating and difficult it could be and I want to help as many people as possible out there who were/are in the same position. My first interaction with a narcissist was two years ago and it was extremely difficult because I did not know who a narcissist is. It used to drive me crazy and I could not really speak about it.
Narcissistic personality disorder- NPD- is one type of personality and mental disorders. People who are narcissists have an inflated sense of their own importance, they appear extremely confident, they love excessive attention and admiration, masters in lying and manipulation to get what they want, they also exaggerate constantly about their achievement and talents, they love to feel they have power and beauty than anybody else. They are very superficial. But behind this mask they have a fragile self-esteem, lack of empathy and they cannot take criticism very well. They may find their intimate relationships unfulfilling, and boring because they cannot maintain their image to too long and they are empty from the inside. Also, they have difficulty regulating their emotions or behaviours, and they always belittle people to make them feel bad and so they could feel superior.
When you discover a narcissist and you have to deal with them. It could be overwhelming and confusing at the same time. I want you to remember one thing: that you are responsible for your actions and it is only you responsible for you. If you have that mentality, believe no matter what narcissists say or do, you will be free and no longer under their control or influence.
Here are a few things you could do when dealing with a narcissist:
1- Do not take it personally
When you are dealing with a narcissist, I understand it is difficult and very frustrating because the nature of their manipulative behaviours, patterns of manipulation, telling lies about you. It certainly can make you feel very personal since we you are on the receiving end.
What I want you to remember is no matter how painful the behaviours of a narcissist might feel in the moment, it is very important to remember that it has nothing to do with you. They are only dealing with their issues, insecurity and lack of self-esteem and morality. So please do not take it personally.
2- Have boundaries
Narcissists do not have boundaries when it comes to intimate relationships and they lack morality. That is because they have no empathy and they have a very strong sense of entitlement and exploit others; so, boundaries are something that gets in the way of their goals.
Setting boundaries can be very difficult, especially if you have never done that before and setting boundaries with a covert narcissist can be pretty much intimidating.
However, that boundaries are just a way for you to let someone else know what your values and principles are and what is acceptable and not acceptable to you. Having boundaries will help you keep you on track if a narcissist attempts to violate or disregard your boundaries. Also, be certain it will have, narcissists always violate boundaries and have no sense of respect to them. You know what you want and what is acceptable and what is not and leave it as it is. Be observer to the narcissist if he/she breaks your boundaries that is on him/her, not you.
3- Do not react
I understand this is difficult to do as well but trust me once you are in control of your own mind, you will not give the narcissist any reason to say anything about you. You become the winner. Narcissists will always try to manipulate people who know you and say things about you that is not true so you would be alone and lonely. The narcissist thinks they have the power to influence other people’s opinion about you. If you fall in this trap you would only be his or her prisoner. So, be careful and do not react and if those people believe bad things about you, all you have to do is not to care. The reason for that is people will always believe what they want to believe. Sometimes people are put in a difficult position to listen to the narcissists because they do not want to be rude or they do not know how to get out of the situation. Remember you definitely do not want such people in your life, who bring you down and believe lies about you. Think of it as a blessing and a good thing because you are eliminating those people out of your circle.
4- Do not blame yourself
Narcissists will never admit they made a mistake or take responsibility for hurting or causing pain to you. Instead, they will put all the blame on you and the reason for their bad or negative behaviour on you. You might accept the blame or feel bad but please do not do so and do not fall to their trap again of belittling yourself and feeling guilty. You are only responsible for your own actions and narcissists is responsible for theirs. The fact they cannot admit or own up to it that is their problem and to not yours.
Do not let it happen and do not blame yourself.
5- Understand and make peace with the narcissist as a person needs help
I do not want you to think that you can change a narcissist or help them in any way. You cannot help a narcissist at all, and you will be wasting your time. Someone who is a narcissist has a disorder and there is nothing you can do. Also, there is no medical reason yet for why the person is a narcissist. The only evidence is could be having a narcissist parent who is controlling and overprotective, or even neglectful. So do not feel it is your responsibility to help or change the narcissist. Remember that you can only help and protect yourself.
Finally, I would like to thank you for reading and help you identify narcissistic behaviour. Decide you are not going to give consist narcissistic supply to that person. Understand that the narcissist will demand unconditional love while unwilling to give love in return. Understand, he/she will demand respect, boundaries, and private life but they are not willing to do those things themselves. Understand, that he/she will speak lies about you and manipulate people around you but do not react or fall in her/his trap. Make peace with yourself and remember you are only responsible for yourself and your actions only.
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