How to deal with the narcissist enablers?

Have you ever heard the term narcissist enablers? Who are the narcissist enablers and how do you deal with the narcissist enablers?

There are many types of narcissist enablers but first let’s discuss who are the narcissist enablers:  narcissist enablers are people who believe and support the narcissist even if it doesn’t make sense. Generally, the enablers choose to take actions to help the narcissist, or they encourage the narcissist to continue his or her behaviour. Subsequently feeding the narcissistic supply that the narcissist needs and allow the narcissist to practice control. Often the enablers see the narcissistic abuse as normal. Yes, enablers are delusional, and they do not see the abuse and only see the amazing fake image of the narcissist. The narcissist enablers also assist the narcissist in his or her dirty work and spread lies about you. Those types of people are complicit in the abuse due to their sinister agenda. Think of those enablers as the narcissist army which he or she put in use when attacking you. 

On the other hand, enablers could mean just allowing the narcissist to do whatever he or she wants during the relationship whether at work or home due to a lack of self-esteem or confidence. This means that you are enabling the narcissist by not standing up for yourself. It is as bad as the other type of narcissist enablers. 

You feel annoyed when the enablers enable the abuse and do not see the truth and what is happening in your life. The enablers will say things that are hurtful or being rude to you. For example, the enablers may say:

–           The narcissist did not mean what he or she did. 

–           The narcissist is under stress, and you need to be understanding 

–           Why do you take everything personally?

–           You should forgive the narcissist and let go of the family.

–           You are overreacting to the situation 

Whatever the enablers say to you is just a way to make you feel shame and to confuse you to allow the narcissist to abuse you. Often the enablers will label you and put you into a terrible category to discredit you and dismiss your feelings. For example, when my ex- narcissist was physically abusive and aggressive, I reported it and then one of his friends said that the narcissist did not mean and was under stress and I should be understanding. Later, I discover that the narcissist was bad mouthing me and trying to harm my reputation. I immediately took the steps that I am going to share with you, and I protected myself from such people.

So, how to deal with the narcissist enablers?

Here are five tips that you can use to help you deal with the narcissist enablers. 

1-         Understand where the enablers coming from 

Narcissist enablers are often people with low self-esteem, and they have been chosen wisely by the narcissist to use during his or her campaign against you. Sometimes, the enablers could even be intelligent people with a good career but some who, yet they still cannot see the narcissist for who she or he is. Sometimes they can genuinely think that they are doing the right things by helping the narcissist. Often, they get so deep with the narcissist to the point they are scared of what happens to them if they did not believe the narcissist so they turn blind eye on what is happening and the truth. The narcissist will cry to them and make up lie after lie to the point where the enablers mind just gives in and believe the narcissist say. You can learn more about the narcissist fake crying in my episode where I discuss the narcissist crying game, I will put the link below.  Unfortunately, the narcissist enablers are people who lack life skills, awareness or even do not have character or power within themselves to escape reality they just copy the narcissist and allow the abuse. Feel sorry for them and be the bigger person. Let the narcissist enablers believe what they want to believe and focus on your sanity. As the ancient Chinese philosopher Lao-tzu said: 

To Know one's ignorance is the best part of knowledge

by Lao-tau

2-         Do not explain yourself

One mistake that I did when I was talking to one of the narcissist enablers is I was trying to explain the situation and how I was suffering. Later, I discovered that the person is already made up his mind. My advice to you does not to waste your time and try to explain yourself to anyone who is friends with the narcissist and enabling the abuse without even questioning the situation. The pathological narcissist thrives on manipulating you and the people around him or her. The narcissist does not care about you, nor your feelings. Do not be vulnerable or show any weakness to the narcissist. The sooner you recognize that you do not need to explain yourself to anyone such as enablers in particular you will more you feel protected, and you protect your mental health and feelings. 

3-         Cut any contact with the enablers. 

This is so important once I discovered as I mentioned earlier that the narcissist enabler already made up his mind and was justifying abuse. I immediately cut contact I have to say that I was lucky because the narcissist enablers were not my friends. I still have my good friends around me, and they support me in every way, and I am so blessed to have them. For me, I did not lose any friends because the narcissist enablers as I mentioned were not my friends and they were the narcissist so for me it was extremely easy to cut contact and keep away from such people who think abuse is normal. You can do that by changing your phone number or emails if you haven’t done so already to protect yourself from the narcissist. Also, block them on social media and do not allow any type of contact from the enablers or make it very limited if the enablers are a family member or someone that you cannot just block or cut contact immediately. 

4-         Do not respond to the enablers 

I mentioned before it is important that you cut contact or limit with the narcissist enablers. However, if you had to deal with the narcissist enablers make sure no matter what they say to you do not respond or react to it. I know it is difficult to not react particularly if you have been targeted and abused over and over again but withholding your emotions when someone insults you or provokes you is the best way to disarm the narcissist and his or her enablers. The only reason the narcissist enablers is doing what they are doing to you is to get a reaction and to prove to themselves that the narcissist is right. Do not fuel the narcissist enablers and completely ignore them and ignore the narcissist. That is the best way to defuse the narcissist and his or her enablers.  

5-         Focus on yourself 

When you are in a narcissist toxic relationship it is very easy not taking care of yourself and your wellbeing. That is because you are being abused by the narcissist. It is now time for you to take charge of your life and focus on your health, career and what you want to achieve in your life. Take control of your life and never feel that you have failed. Remember, dealing with a narcissist is a great experience and look at it as a great lesson. I assure you once you deal with a narcissist you never fall for it again. You have learned a big lesson and it changes you for the better. Seek support or a therapist to heal from the trauma and confusion that the narcissistic relationship caused you. Educate yourself about narcissism. Surround yourself will genuine people who love you and care for you.

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© 2021 Sali Abdeltawwab. All Rights Reserved.

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